"I Am Love" & "Solaris"

"She's a mirror that reflects part of your mind, you provide the formula."- Gordon

This quote said by Gordon in the movie Solaris brought me back to the story of Narcissus and how he loved what he thought was perfection; his mirrored image. I know that it is common in movies, books and real life to image what we want in life and how we want it. This desire is all a part of our fantasy that we create in our minds of what the perfect life will be and what are perfect relationship will be like. Every day we imagine yet another aspect of our future life and no matter what happens we have the ability to control every change in our fantasy to adjust to our moods, our heartaches, and our happiness. We control the fantasy and no one knows what the fantasy consists of or who is a part of it; no matter how large or small the fantasy is. Calvin, the psychologist in Solaris went to outer space to resolve a mystery that could either benefit human life or have a serious negative impact on human life. Unfortunately Calvin got sucked into the mystery becoming a victim of the unknown. Calvin got caught up in the fantasy. He created the wife he longed to still have, he created her as he remembered her. He wanted to fix what he could leading up to her suicide. Gordon, also a victim at one point, realized that the figures were the creation of the mind along with some rare scientific composition. Calvin is a great example of how easy it is to get lost in the fantasy.  I think as humans it so easy to forget our reality. We also have a hard time moving on and accepting loss. Calvin suffered from this, I believe that he blamed himself for his wife's suicide and he refused to move on or let go. Ultimately, her actions were her decision not Calvin's. 
 "I Am Love" was story of the ultimate desire that led to fatal ends. Emma changed and began to love Antonio. Emma's want for Antonio, in my opinion, grew through his cooking. Antonio, a talented chef, prepared many intimate meals for smalls dinners as well as dinner parties for his friend Edo; Emma's son. Emma committed adultery, but in the end had no regrets even though she lost her son. One aspect of the film I found interesting was at the end when Betta watched Emma leave for good with tears in her eyes. I think Betta was happy for her that she was going after what she wanted and loved and that there was no more secrecy. I think Betta admired her for that because she was a lesbian and wanted to tell people, but new it would not be accepted. She feared to lose the ones she loved, as Emma through all that she loved away. 

Restless for More

Emma's character showed how much one can desire and still never obtain all their wants. I think it is impossible to not want. The words that were spoken in our first few class discussions made me realize that we know we are alive because we want and we want because we are alive. Nothing was ever good enough for Emma and when she thought something or someone was she would then be left. I feel that she had been fortune for not being able to have a real say in her love life. She did take a stand by having affairs with other men, but ultimately she stay with Charles. Charles satisfied none of her needs and never provided her with any of her wants. 
I think the beggar symbolized Emma immense passion to obtain her desires. A begger is someone who always seeks for something, often because they have nothing. Emma, however, had more than many and a relatively prosperous husband, but she still begged for more. She wanted the life of the wealthy, she wanted a brilliant love life, she wanted no responsibility, but longed to no longer be board. I think that Emma's misfortune was highly related to the circumstances of the time period. It would have been frowned upon to leave your husband as a women, and certainly, divorce was not an option. 
I could not live the life that Emma endured. I would have had affairs too. I like to do things to keep busy, work, read, exercise  socialize, party, etc. and she was often sheltered or restricted. I would go crazy too, because I would get cabin fever being inside my house all the time and being lonely. Charles was a boring companion. They talked about nothing as a couple and they truly had nothing in common. Today, most people could imagine having a marriage and or lifestyle like theirs. 
I believe Emma committed suicide by poison because she wanted Charles to suffer watching her die a slow painful death rather than a quicker method. I think this slow death symbolizes the dreadful life Emma had and the relationship or lack their of that she shared with Charles. She wanted Charles to suffer and not be able to do anything about it, just like she couldn't do anything to exit her marriage. 

Fantastical Fantasy

Madame Bovary also goes by the name Emma, is a dreamer. She always wants something more and her fantasies are more vivid than her reality. Emma believes that she fits in when she goes to the ball at La Vaubyessard; high class, ritzy, and beautifully content. Emma doesn't really know what she wants though because she dreams of what she reads and what she sees when she exits the current life she lives in to enter a new life. Will she find happiness in her never ending search? She's lonely, although she has a husband who adores her. Does he adore her because she puts on this act and never tells Monsieur Bovary how she really feels? Quite possibly. I think that Emma is caught somewhere in the middle of her fantasy and her reality. Today, we can dream of the best love lives, the perfect couple, the ideal relationship, but does that exist? Has it ever? I have notice that my vision of the perfect relationship is a combination of my desires, wants, media, needs, and other societal factors; however, that is not realistic. I think that Emma is stuck in that same rut. She longs for something more; of course, that's only natural. I think she really enjoys talking with Leon because he is similar to her. They are caught up in similar fantasies. We are all dreamers; like we discussed in the very beginning of class, if we do not desire we are not living. 

Bitterness

Upon completing Celestina I realized that some things about love still hold true today. Love is rewarding when everything is okay, but when there is a mere obstacle in the way love can hold painful sorrows. Celestina did not have relationships typical to what I am familiar with. Relationships were solely based on looks and this unknown desire of another person. Today, in my opinion, a relationship might start by a physical attraction, but it is not a relationship if it does not progress into an emotional relationship. Today, we still desire. We wish, hope and dream of all these wonderful fantasies we can share was that one special person. Some people are fortunate enough to experience this with less difficulty while others, like me, find many struggles in having that smooth journey. Life like love is not easy. Both are full of obstacles, challenges and disappointments. When you love someone you stand by their side no matter the obstacles and you hope that when the problem has been overcome you are now a stronger couple. Love can be painful because if you are struggling to overcome those obstacles you hope that the one you love will confide in you, will seek out your support, and look for you to make them feel better. Love can make a person crazy. Sometimes when love feels more of a negative thing than a positive thing you just have to keep in mind that it might just be that moment in time and that you can find happiness and that you will. In Celestina, the love they had for each other was tangled and twisted and drove them to do crazy things. Love also proved that some people will do whatever it takes to be with the one they think they love. How it is that someone can kill themselves over love, but will not save their life to love another? Why is love so powerful? How is something that can be so challenging and difficult be something we seek so much? How do we stay positive when one day everything with love is perfect and the next day it is not? Celestina’s answer was that life ends. Life no longer can go on without love because without love you cannot be happy. Although, sometimes and at this moment I feel like a life without love would be no life at all, I must remember that if that person doesn’t love me the way I can love them then who are they to deserve my love? I have lost a family friend to suicide over a broken heart and as sad as it is to not be strong enough to hold on and carry on, it’s so much harder to think of what those actions had on all those who loved him. Sometimes I am angry towards love. Sometimes I hate that I desire something so difficult. Celestina makes it seem easy that if the one you love is no longer here to just end your life. It seems like it’s the more simple solution, but it’s not. Celestina and this class are making me bitter towards love and makes me hopeless when trying to keep a handle on the struggles that I face in my relationship. 

Fernando de Rojas's "Celestina" (Week One)

Celestina is an interesting book full of illness, love, desire, witchcraft, and religion. Celestina, the main character uses language as a powerful tool to get people to do as they need to profit from them. For example, Celestina has a profound knack for curing illnesses of all sorts. The most common illness is heartache and despair. Today, heartache is not an illness, but back then it was the largest, yet most fatal disease. At one point Parmeno msays, “Then is it madness to love, and I am crazed and have no sense? For if madness truly equaled pain, wailing would never wane.” I thought this was interesting as in previous classes we discussed love being a mental illness. Sometimes I think about how crazy I can be when it comes to someone I care about or even love and I think it could be just that; a mental impairment.

I found it particularly interesting that Celestina had such a way with words that she could get the individuals to desire and need another without even getting the two together. For example, Calisto could not live without Melibea for she is all he longed and desired for, but that had only brief interactions. During those interactions Melibea claimed that he was a crazy person who yelled and hollered things at her. When Celestina went to talk to Melibea about Calisto’s suffering she wanted to hear is name no more. Yet, by act ten, Melibea was asking for Celestina to meet her immediately and remedy a cure. How is it that two people don’t have to have any interactions, but can manage to need each other desperately?

I found it particularly disturbing that Celestina was boasting about being a whore. She also boasted about the fact that women idolized her when I don’t think she was a role model at all. She tricked people into believing that they needed a man or another, even when they said they did not. For example, Parmeno desired Areusa and when Celestina went to talk to her on behalf of Parmeno she practically forced Parmeno in bed with Areusa. Areusa said that she had someone who cared for you her and watched over her, but Celestina was so persistent in getting them in bed together.

I think that Ceslestina is a selfish, awful, dreadful, and dirty woman. She had no regard for other’s wellbeing if she was able to profit from it. I think a lot of it was an act so that she appeared to be something she wasn’t.

The packet reading was also intriguing as I learned quite a bit about prostitution. The author writes, “A Christian woman who lived among the minorities or gave birth to a child of mixed blood was branded ‘bad’ woman who deserved to be flogged or expelled.” I found this in some aspects to be relevant in today’s society. Interracial relationships are frowned upon by some people and to have a mixed baby might be even more of a wrong doing. I think this shows the roots to where our problems with interracial dating might stem from.

Sex was only supposed to be for those who were married, which is very different from today. The majority of people today do not wait until marriage as sexual relations is such a huge aspect of many relationships. I personally could not wait until marriage to find out if the man I loved and I were compatible in bed. That would be torture, because what if the chemistry wasn’t there?! That’s crazy!

Overall, both readings were thought-provoking. The functioning of earlier societies are so different from today, but you get a better understanding as to why some things are the way that they are.