Before Sunset

Before Sunset, the sequal to Before Sunrise, is the continuation of a conversation through which two people have fallen in love. Celine and Jessie are two strangers who met on a train and decided to spend some time together in Vienna before they had to depart. In their brief time together they found love. There was great passion and unbelievable desire for each other. Upon departure from each other, they decided to not give each other contact information and meet again six months later at the exact place from which they were leaving. Before Sunrise leaves you hanging onto your seats and waiting in anticipation, will they actually meet again? 

Before Sunset is nine years later. At this point, Jesse is married and has a son named Henry. He is a New York Best-Selling author who writes about a fictional love story about a very special moment in time. We learn later, that his hopes to writing this book and doing a book tour might give him and Celine a chance to meet again. Jessie's story was an idealized version of the night he had spent with Celine. When they did meet again, nine years later they both had a very different version of love. Jessie was unhappy, but would remain unhappy for the sake of his son. He never felt real love, but he felt he was fulfilling the necessary obligations that one had to deal with in life. Jessie never let go of his love for Celine, in fact, he lived it daily through his book and through dreams. 

On the other hand, Celine's idea of loved seemed very different from Jessie's and very cold. She preferred to have her boyfriend be away so that she could could still have her and independence, but still miss him. Later in the movie, she cracks and blames Jessie for the reason she can't love. 

In one discussion, Jessie said that "if you liberate yourself from desire then you will find that you already have what you need." What caught my attention as they were talking about desire is that Jessie said "need" to desire is to "want." As they talked with each other, Jessie said that we are "designed to be dissatisfied," as if we are meant to always want more; nothing is ever good enough. Although Celine believed that it was a sign of depression to think that way, I find it very true. I believe that we always want more. We want more in clothing, at work, more money, more time, better love; we are designed to want more, more, more! Why can't we seem to get a grasp on this want? If Celine and Jessie met six months later, would they still desire each other the way that they did nine years later? Had they given each other their contact would they have lost the spark? I think that they would have. 

It's so hard to put a limit on wanting. Personally, I know I have what I need, but I want more. Sometimes I think it wouldn't be bad to be content, but does that mean I am settling for less than I might be worth or capable of? Before Sunset captured the missed time and lost love of two people perfectly. The movie also captured how longing and desiring for another is so plausible through our fantasies and that's what keeps us hopeful that maybe someday we will be able to grasp what it is that we think will fulfill our desires. 

The Dirty Deed

I am an open book when it comes to sex and secrets inside the bedroom, but I never thought about what it might take to write about it. Steve Almond, New York Best Seller, writes graphically about sex and the encounters two people may have in the rawest form. This technique is not only fascinatingly interesting, but naughty and passionate. Almond made it apparent that sex comes with some emotional connection, but it doesn't mean that its the only thing on a person's mind when the deed is being done. Almond emphasized that there are many ways of loving and that you don't need to love someone. Almond said that when you love someone you love the "ugly" parts of them or the wounded. This concept was shared when Almond read his short story "Skull" and the man fell in love with the sexual interaction that he shared with his girlfriend and her damaged eye. Love is about finding another person and paying attention to who they really are. Is this possible though? Do we really ever know who the other person is? Sometimes I would like to think I know my boyfriend really well, but then so much of my time I spend wondering what is going through his head and why he processes his thoughts the way we do. I love him, but if I can't answer these questions and recite everything about him have I not paid enough attention? 

I wish I thought to being money to class on Tuesday because I certainly would have purchased his book. I really appreciate his openness and his candidness to love and sex. Some people struggle talking openly about sex let alone writing about it. Almond catches the details that some may never write or even think about and the details that some wish to carry out in their own sexual endeavors. 

On a final thought, Almond said "the path to truth runs through shame" and I can not seem to get this statement out of my mind. Why? I know the expression the truth hurts is often used and maybe this has something to do with it. Is the truth shameful? Unfortunately, I think about my life and some decisions I made and sometimes I believe that it is... I don't regret decisions I have made in my life, but if I could do it again I certainly would have made different decisions in sex, love and fulfilling my desires. I think we need to be able to take what we knew and revisit it so that our future doesn't hold truths that have passed through shame. Sexually or not, our truth doesn't need to be shameful; does it? 

Desire in Tunisia

Halfaouine is a movie that depicts the ideal image of desire through a young boys eyes named Noura. Noura is a boy seeking manhood, but is not at the age where it is acceptable. Young children go to community showers with their mothers until they are at age an age where they are too old or too curious. Noura watched the old teenage boys harass woman and “hit on” them as he was growing up. Come the age of twelve Noura became very curious. He would beg his mother he needed a shower and refused to go to the men’s shower so that he could see the naked women. The women represent the desire for manhood. Noura wanted to discover all parts of a woman’s body looked like and during the shower times that was not possible. The women had exposed breasts and bottoms, but cover their front private areas with a cloth or a ban. Noura’s family maid was young and attractive and he believed he could fulfill his desires by touching and undressing her in the dark at night. At home point Noura even tricked her into exposing her body so that he could massage her. Noura was smart in find ways into the world of a woman. He truly wanted to experience manhood and the curiosity was getting the best of him. After the maid was caught by Noura’s mother she was out of a job so at that point there was no more loss for her. The maid met Noura in his room under the covers and waited until he arrived. Upon arrival Noura received a slight smile and the lights went off. The maid brought a young boy into manhood. Noura’s desire of exploring the female anatomy was temporarily filled, but this will lead him to wanting more. There is no amount of something that is full of adventure and curiosity.

I found the process of circumcision very fascinating in that its extremely different from what I am accustomed to as an American. I didn’t realize it was so ritualistic in other cultures. My question about this experience is how it plays into the role of love and desire. I know there is a connection, but I am not finding it in my mind to share with you my opinion. Is circumcision very ritualistic in other cultures or is it just Tunisia?

The cultures were so drastically different from what I know as an American. I could not imagine growing up the way this culture did and I mean this with no disrespect. It’s incredible people can grow, develop and find strength in seeking and desiring love. 

Love, Murder, Scandal & The Penny Press

Professor Burt's session on love and desire in the Penny Press was fascinating. I always wondered what intrigued people to read gossip or watch (now a days) reality TV that just seems so over the top ridiculous and this is why...the Penny Press. Who knew that something that costs as little as one cent would turn into something worth billions today?

The first Penny Press was "The Sun" in New York City in 1833. There were many advantages to this brilliant idea including that it was aimed at the working class, used language that the average person could understand, was sold for a penny, spoke of love, murder, crime and scandal and appealed to everyone's emotions. Most importantly this paper and the many to follow covered gossip.

Women and men during this period were divided into two spheres; the domestic and the public. The women filled the domestic sphere by staying home, caring for the husband and the family and tending to household needs. The men were the bread winners bringing home the dough to support the family and sometimes, without the wife's knowledge had other women on the side. This life, in my opinion, seems absolutely brutal and boring. The goal of the woman in a relationship was to master how to please a man while a man had the freedom to do as he pleased. If a woman wanted to succeed in life she must follow "the rules" and this idea meant that a woman was to wed and create a family and serve a husband, but not to be single and promiscuous. I am sure that some women defied the rules of society and those would have been great articles to read in the Penny Press.

The Penny Press dramatically covered love stories and love stories gone bad, after all, that is our favorite kind of love story! I love reading about love spoiled by hatred, jealousy, adultery or abandonment. These are the stories that crime shows like CSI and Criminal Minds base many of their episodes on. Why are those appealing? I think we have such an unrealistic of what love is and what love should be. We constantly desire something more, someone more, someone better. We aren't content with what we have because there is better to be had. Well, that is cynical and bitter, but it makes for a good story that can suck you right in. This is what the writers of the Penny Presses all around the nation wanted...a good story. In this story the authors knew that they could write in segments which would automatically prompt a ready to purchase another copy. It was a business scandal, but a triumph for the men and women writing stories, gossiping and digging up the latest dirt on the neighbor in town. The Penny Press gave many their few minutes of fame whether it was for the better or not.

Novels, shows & movies dive into what we want to consider uncharted territories. These can't be true, god awful, but terribly addicting stories that some people could never imagine. It's a money market, a scheme, but a very good one at that. These stories make us suspicious of our other, make us think "what if" and make us wonder...is there truly any way to love another without meeting fatal consequences whether it's in real life or written in the paper?

Love & Desire Through Ancient Artifacts

Is this woman overweight or she beautiful? Today, one might argue that she is overweight and facing serious health risks some including back problems, but in ancient times this woman was considered beautiful. A women of full breasts and large hips shows that she is fertile and capable of producing many children. Dr. Richard Freund was enthusiastic throughout his presentation and I found understanding into how archaeology is so intriguing. Archaeologists find artifacts that relate to all aspects of our life and each artifact has a unique story like the one above. It is believed that women would hold on to this little figurines for luck and hope to be able to reproduce. While listening to Dr. Freund I started to think about our previous classes in love and desire and why we haven't talk more about fertility when its the basic foundation to what we discuss. If we were not born, we would not love or desire anyone or anything so I feel it is important to think about why we produce and why some of us don't or are not interested to reproduce. Speaking as an American, the typical and sometimes stereotypical dream for Americans is to grow up, get an education, get married and have children. But why? Why is fertility so important and why now do people rush to have a child if not many? Children are a trophy in some people's eyes; a possession or something to brag about, in others a reward for doing well, while others a child is a mistake. According to Guttmacher.org, a 2006 survey said that of every 1000 women in CT 52 have unintended pregnancies. Just from those numbers it  is expressed that numerous children are unplanned. Many people however, have children to show them off. I sometimes feel that this thought comes along with the idea that "my child is better than yours." What is unfortunate to me though is that some people are not fertile and can not reproduce. Those woman, in my opinion, are the one's most interested in having children and most disappointed when they can't. Do we reproduce because we love the other? Or do we reproduce because we feel its our obligation as women and we were giving this system we must utilize it? This is something I would like to talk more about in class and be able to discuss what my peers might think as well as the authors of what we have read thus far might think. In my opinion, fertility is a huge part of love and desire and there are so many questions to be answered, I just don't know where to start! 

Dating After Divorce !

First off, Happy Valentine's Day! <3

After growing up with divorced parents I have a good understanding that dating after divorce is an essential part to a person's recovery, coping, and developing. When I was young I never understood clearly the reasons why my parents didn't get along or why they didn't act like other parents. Their coparenting skills were low and they did not communicate well which always made it a struggle to connect with them on even terms. What I realize now is that they were unaware of effective methods of being divorced and co-parents. Dr. Miller-Ott is fascinated by the communication and action among men and women following divorce: is it okay to date? What do I have to tell my ex? What do I tell the person I am dating? How much do I tell the person I am dating? To I disclose really personal aspects of my life? Do I throw all my baggage out on the first date and say take it or leave it? Do I introduce my dates to my children? How involved should my parents be in the process? These are all questions that Dr. Miller-Ott wants and has found some answers to. Dr. Miller-Ott's enthusiasm excited me and interested me. Something we discussed a lot in lecture is the "baggage" that we carry as individuals and how that can effect our new relationships. I personally believe that there is an appropriate amount of information to disclose on the first few dates; however, it shouldn't be with an all or nothing frame of mind. Good or bad our baggage is what makes us who we are and that is something we should embrace. Depending on the length of the marriage a newly single person might not be familiar with the dating world and it could be very different from what it was when they were young. For example, Dr. Miller-Ott used an example of a woman in her 50s who use the take it or leave it method with a new date, but she had been married for years and since she last date the world was a very different place. Fifty years ago, we did not have FaceBook, eHarmony, ChristianMingle, FarmersOnly and all the other ridiculous group specific dating websites. This concept allows an individual to lay out as much information as they would like and then share it with the world. People that are interested in them can search for specific information and find matches that meet their needs or what they are looking for. This method of dating can make it a lot easier for divorce people to get back into the game. Dating is an important part of growing and developing, in my opinion. Each new partner or relationship regarding of the seriousness can teach you so much. For example, dating can teach people how to communicate with other people both verbally and non-verbally. Dating can allow you to experience new situations, possibly even more diverse situations and help you step out of your comfort zone. Everyone can define dating very differently, one person might feel that a date is dinner and a movie while others may think it is purely sexual. Finding that definition and those boundaries is important for individuals to share share with the person that they date and may consider seeing so that there are expectations of the needs of each individual. Another aspect that I really like of Dr. Miller Ott's discussion is that we should set expectations for our partners. We can't expect the other person to meet our expectations or needs if we do not share what those are. This is the first step to having a successful relationship following a divorce because you can know from the get go what will work and what won't. I loved Dr. Miller-Ott's lecture it was extremely powerful and her passion for this subject was so refreshing. 

Love & Friendship

Dr. Borck mentioned at one point Derrida's view that people should merge horizons and leave out politics. I truly agree with this thought because politics makes everything complicated. Politics hinders relationships, friendships & partnerships in many different aspects. For example, many times couples have differing views on how they view the world and it can bring negativity and challenge to the relationship.
I also feel that in love and friendship it is that we as individuals are both the friend and the enemy. We can be our own worst enemy and that can negatively impact our relationship with all those we communicate with. Dr. Borck mentioned Plato briefly as the "sexy philosopher" which I thought was funny because I made a random connection with my life to this. I find sometime that I remember people differently from their physique. I felt like Dr. Borck's method of referring to him in this way was to relate it better to the audience which I appreciated.
Overall, I thought Dr. Borck was very enthusiastic about the subject. I thought it was very dense and at some points I had a hard time understanding the material because it was so detailed. I can tell that she is passionate about this subject so I thoroughly enjoyed listening.