Dating After Divorce !

First off, Happy Valentine's Day! <3

After growing up with divorced parents I have a good understanding that dating after divorce is an essential part to a person's recovery, coping, and developing. When I was young I never understood clearly the reasons why my parents didn't get along or why they didn't act like other parents. Their coparenting skills were low and they did not communicate well which always made it a struggle to connect with them on even terms. What I realize now is that they were unaware of effective methods of being divorced and co-parents. Dr. Miller-Ott is fascinated by the communication and action among men and women following divorce: is it okay to date? What do I have to tell my ex? What do I tell the person I am dating? How much do I tell the person I am dating? To I disclose really personal aspects of my life? Do I throw all my baggage out on the first date and say take it or leave it? Do I introduce my dates to my children? How involved should my parents be in the process? These are all questions that Dr. Miller-Ott wants and has found some answers to. Dr. Miller-Ott's enthusiasm excited me and interested me. Something we discussed a lot in lecture is the "baggage" that we carry as individuals and how that can effect our new relationships. I personally believe that there is an appropriate amount of information to disclose on the first few dates; however, it shouldn't be with an all or nothing frame of mind. Good or bad our baggage is what makes us who we are and that is something we should embrace. Depending on the length of the marriage a newly single person might not be familiar with the dating world and it could be very different from what it was when they were young. For example, Dr. Miller-Ott used an example of a woman in her 50s who use the take it or leave it method with a new date, but she had been married for years and since she last date the world was a very different place. Fifty years ago, we did not have FaceBook, eHarmony, ChristianMingle, FarmersOnly and all the other ridiculous group specific dating websites. This concept allows an individual to lay out as much information as they would like and then share it with the world. People that are interested in them can search for specific information and find matches that meet their needs or what they are looking for. This method of dating can make it a lot easier for divorce people to get back into the game. Dating is an important part of growing and developing, in my opinion. Each new partner or relationship regarding of the seriousness can teach you so much. For example, dating can teach people how to communicate with other people both verbally and non-verbally. Dating can allow you to experience new situations, possibly even more diverse situations and help you step out of your comfort zone. Everyone can define dating very differently, one person might feel that a date is dinner and a movie while others may think it is purely sexual. Finding that definition and those boundaries is important for individuals to share share with the person that they date and may consider seeing so that there are expectations of the needs of each individual. Another aspect that I really like of Dr. Miller Ott's discussion is that we should set expectations for our partners. We can't expect the other person to meet our expectations or needs if we do not share what those are. This is the first step to having a successful relationship following a divorce because you can know from the get go what will work and what won't. I loved Dr. Miller-Ott's lecture it was extremely powerful and her passion for this subject was so refreshing.