Love, Murder, Scandal & The Penny Press

Professor Burt's session on love and desire in the Penny Press was fascinating. I always wondered what intrigued people to read gossip or watch (now a days) reality TV that just seems so over the top ridiculous and this is why...the Penny Press. Who knew that something that costs as little as one cent would turn into something worth billions today?

The first Penny Press was "The Sun" in New York City in 1833. There were many advantages to this brilliant idea including that it was aimed at the working class, used language that the average person could understand, was sold for a penny, spoke of love, murder, crime and scandal and appealed to everyone's emotions. Most importantly this paper and the many to follow covered gossip.

Women and men during this period were divided into two spheres; the domestic and the public. The women filled the domestic sphere by staying home, caring for the husband and the family and tending to household needs. The men were the bread winners bringing home the dough to support the family and sometimes, without the wife's knowledge had other women on the side. This life, in my opinion, seems absolutely brutal and boring. The goal of the woman in a relationship was to master how to please a man while a man had the freedom to do as he pleased. If a woman wanted to succeed in life she must follow "the rules" and this idea meant that a woman was to wed and create a family and serve a husband, but not to be single and promiscuous. I am sure that some women defied the rules of society and those would have been great articles to read in the Penny Press.

The Penny Press dramatically covered love stories and love stories gone bad, after all, that is our favorite kind of love story! I love reading about love spoiled by hatred, jealousy, adultery or abandonment. These are the stories that crime shows like CSI and Criminal Minds base many of their episodes on. Why are those appealing? I think we have such an unrealistic of what love is and what love should be. We constantly desire something more, someone more, someone better. We aren't content with what we have because there is better to be had. Well, that is cynical and bitter, but it makes for a good story that can suck you right in. This is what the writers of the Penny Presses all around the nation wanted...a good story. In this story the authors knew that they could write in segments which would automatically prompt a ready to purchase another copy. It was a business scandal, but a triumph for the men and women writing stories, gossiping and digging up the latest dirt on the neighbor in town. The Penny Press gave many their few minutes of fame whether it was for the better or not.

Novels, shows & movies dive into what we want to consider uncharted territories. These can't be true, god awful, but terribly addicting stories that some people could never imagine. It's a money market, a scheme, but a very good one at that. These stories make us suspicious of our other, make us think "what if" and make us wonder...is there truly any way to love another without meeting fatal consequences whether it's in real life or written in the paper?

Love & Desire Through Ancient Artifacts

Is this woman overweight or she beautiful? Today, one might argue that she is overweight and facing serious health risks some including back problems, but in ancient times this woman was considered beautiful. A women of full breasts and large hips shows that she is fertile and capable of producing many children. Dr. Richard Freund was enthusiastic throughout his presentation and I found understanding into how archaeology is so intriguing. Archaeologists find artifacts that relate to all aspects of our life and each artifact has a unique story like the one above. It is believed that women would hold on to this little figurines for luck and hope to be able to reproduce. While listening to Dr. Freund I started to think about our previous classes in love and desire and why we haven't talk more about fertility when its the basic foundation to what we discuss. If we were not born, we would not love or desire anyone or anything so I feel it is important to think about why we produce and why some of us don't or are not interested to reproduce. Speaking as an American, the typical and sometimes stereotypical dream for Americans is to grow up, get an education, get married and have children. But why? Why is fertility so important and why now do people rush to have a child if not many? Children are a trophy in some people's eyes; a possession or something to brag about, in others a reward for doing well, while others a child is a mistake. According to Guttmacher.org, a 2006 survey said that of every 1000 women in CT 52 have unintended pregnancies. Just from those numbers it  is expressed that numerous children are unplanned. Many people however, have children to show them off. I sometimes feel that this thought comes along with the idea that "my child is better than yours." What is unfortunate to me though is that some people are not fertile and can not reproduce. Those woman, in my opinion, are the one's most interested in having children and most disappointed when they can't. Do we reproduce because we love the other? Or do we reproduce because we feel its our obligation as women and we were giving this system we must utilize it? This is something I would like to talk more about in class and be able to discuss what my peers might think as well as the authors of what we have read thus far might think. In my opinion, fertility is a huge part of love and desire and there are so many questions to be answered, I just don't know where to start! 

Dating After Divorce !

First off, Happy Valentine's Day! <3

After growing up with divorced parents I have a good understanding that dating after divorce is an essential part to a person's recovery, coping, and developing. When I was young I never understood clearly the reasons why my parents didn't get along or why they didn't act like other parents. Their coparenting skills were low and they did not communicate well which always made it a struggle to connect with them on even terms. What I realize now is that they were unaware of effective methods of being divorced and co-parents. Dr. Miller-Ott is fascinated by the communication and action among men and women following divorce: is it okay to date? What do I have to tell my ex? What do I tell the person I am dating? How much do I tell the person I am dating? To I disclose really personal aspects of my life? Do I throw all my baggage out on the first date and say take it or leave it? Do I introduce my dates to my children? How involved should my parents be in the process? These are all questions that Dr. Miller-Ott wants and has found some answers to. Dr. Miller-Ott's enthusiasm excited me and interested me. Something we discussed a lot in lecture is the "baggage" that we carry as individuals and how that can effect our new relationships. I personally believe that there is an appropriate amount of information to disclose on the first few dates; however, it shouldn't be with an all or nothing frame of mind. Good or bad our baggage is what makes us who we are and that is something we should embrace. Depending on the length of the marriage a newly single person might not be familiar with the dating world and it could be very different from what it was when they were young. For example, Dr. Miller-Ott used an example of a woman in her 50s who use the take it or leave it method with a new date, but she had been married for years and since she last date the world was a very different place. Fifty years ago, we did not have FaceBook, eHarmony, ChristianMingle, FarmersOnly and all the other ridiculous group specific dating websites. This concept allows an individual to lay out as much information as they would like and then share it with the world. People that are interested in them can search for specific information and find matches that meet their needs or what they are looking for. This method of dating can make it a lot easier for divorce people to get back into the game. Dating is an important part of growing and developing, in my opinion. Each new partner or relationship regarding of the seriousness can teach you so much. For example, dating can teach people how to communicate with other people both verbally and non-verbally. Dating can allow you to experience new situations, possibly even more diverse situations and help you step out of your comfort zone. Everyone can define dating very differently, one person might feel that a date is dinner and a movie while others may think it is purely sexual. Finding that definition and those boundaries is important for individuals to share share with the person that they date and may consider seeing so that there are expectations of the needs of each individual. Another aspect that I really like of Dr. Miller Ott's discussion is that we should set expectations for our partners. We can't expect the other person to meet our expectations or needs if we do not share what those are. This is the first step to having a successful relationship following a divorce because you can know from the get go what will work and what won't. I loved Dr. Miller-Ott's lecture it was extremely powerful and her passion for this subject was so refreshing. 

Love & Friendship

Dr. Borck mentioned at one point Derrida's view that people should merge horizons and leave out politics. I truly agree with this thought because politics makes everything complicated. Politics hinders relationships, friendships & partnerships in many different aspects. For example, many times couples have differing views on how they view the world and it can bring negativity and challenge to the relationship.
I also feel that in love and friendship it is that we as individuals are both the friend and the enemy. We can be our own worst enemy and that can negatively impact our relationship with all those we communicate with. Dr. Borck mentioned Plato briefly as the "sexy philosopher" which I thought was funny because I made a random connection with my life to this. I find sometime that I remember people differently from their physique. I felt like Dr. Borck's method of referring to him in this way was to relate it better to the audience which I appreciated.
Overall, I thought Dr. Borck was very enthusiastic about the subject. I thought it was very dense and at some points I had a hard time understanding the material because it was so detailed. I can tell that she is passionate about this subject so I thoroughly enjoyed listening.

Before Sunrise

Before Sunrise challenges the common introduction of two people who fall in love within a matter of hours through conversation. In most relationships (where love follows) it takes time for two people to become comfortable to the idea of what love means to them. The two characters in Before Sunrise met on a train and decided to embark on a brief adventure until Jessie leaves to head back to America. Celine is a European women whose ideas differ from Jessie's sometimes seemingly typical American remarks. Celine and Jessie hit it off from the first conversation and as it progressed we learned many perspectives of love.

One phrase in the movie that caught my attention in particular was when the couple was discussing that as couples grow old they lose the ability to hear each other. I was fascinated by this remark because I look at my Grandparents and I think that they hear each other and understand each other well. I believe that they have many silent conversations. Many people truly believe in a forever with another and that could not be possible or happily if they were unable to hear one another.

I find it intriguing how strangers are so open to confiding in each other when they have never even shared some of what they do with someone that they are close with. Why do we as humans trust someone who we don't know so quickly, but not a friend or family member? I believe that sometimes we do that because we feel we won't be judged or that if we are they won't hold it against us because at the end of the day we won't ever see them again, or so we hope!

The concept of the Jessie and Celine being awake in their dream seemed so true. I believe if the world wasn't such a risky place more people would dare to go on an adventure with a stranger, but give the lack of security we feel from others we are often far more unlikely to do so. The opportunity seems grand to be able to take chance so freely and not worry about the bad from a situation. I think this is an adventure that could tell a life time fully of stories.